Monday, August 09, 2004

Life Group last night was interesting. We had several who couldn't make it, but we were still almost outnumbered by kids. We've tried a bunch of different methods. We went through an agency to hire sitters for a while, but they charge a fee for placement and then the rates per child are rather expensive. It got to where not everyone wanted to leave their children because it was costly and then Sheryl and I ended up paying the bill. That happened several weeks in a row and we decided to nix the college baby sitter. It's weird. This agency is run through Lipscomb and employs a lot of the college students we know. The trick is, they can't work outside the agency--so we end up having to put up with the fees and red tape. It's the babysitting Mafia.

We've tried switching adults in watching the kids. Again, it's too much. I think everyone is so ready to be there and enjoy that it's difficult to commit to that.

Then there are the children. If these kids were a little older, they might be more easily corralled. It's virtually impossible for them to want to sit through the worship time. Here's why--we have Kit (5), Maddie (3), Mack (3), Anna Kate (2), Ella (1), Christian (1), Lettie Jane (1), and Champ (9mo). These ages aren't the best for sitting and worshiping. At one point last night, it was as though the cry fairy had dropped her poisonous dust on every small child in our house...especially Ella who must have been dealing with some teething issues or something. The dogs in the neighborhood were even howling (well, maybe not, but I wouldn't have been surprised!) Maybe we can look for someone who would be willing to come keep our kids upstairs in the play room while we do our thing. We just haven't had any luck in finding that person.

There have been times on this journey where I have been frustrated at this stage of life...like when Maddie was on the verge of talking for what seemed like 35 months and could only say, "uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!" over and over and over! (That's where Ella presently finds herself) You've read many posts from me saying how awesome and fun these years are. They are! I don't want to miss a second with my children. But--the challenges of finding small group intimacy are real and ever present in those times too. It's all worth it, I just needed to vent a bit.

Some of the singles in our group have made some great suggestions for things to do in our worship time--like turn the lights off, have some candles and go through a series of intimate worship disciplines. Great ideas...but I just had to laugh at the thought. It's like that Hallmark commercial where the romantic music swells and the nice couple sits at dinner gazing into one another's' eyes when all of a sudden a big pile of spinach or something is catapulted onto one of their noses and you realize the kids are there and the romantic music dies and we're able to hear the real sounds of the chaos in the room.

The approach I have taken with this is that our kids are a part of us. We spent a year out of life group before this because there was no where to go with our kids. We've told people as they've come to our group that we embrace all ages. So--when the screaming or crying begins we'll smile and keep singing--or just stop and laugh at the chaos. That's been good for a while, but it's time for a change. Either it's time for a change or I need to readjust my expectations for those times. The trouble is...the mom's usually get the hardest job. I usually lead the group so Sheryl is stuck with the kids. There have been times we've switched, but it's never easy.

Ok--thanks for letting me vent a little today. I don't like sounding so negative, but then again, I am reminding myself that when I decided to start this blog thingy, I wanted to be as honest as possible. As my good pal D says- "Life's not always rainbows and lollipops, Brandon." True dat.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to advise. (Laughing to myself--as if any of us in the blog community need permission to advise!)

Have a great Monday!

8 comments:

SG said...

Must be the day for venting! :-) We have been so where you are! I have to say that age hasn't done much to help us, but there is always hope. I wish I had a suggestion. We are leaning towards the "Bible Hour" (or hour and a half) at church being re-established and doing the drop and run/run back afterwards thing. No help for those with kiddos under three though and very chaotic.
The baby sitter thing did not work for us either. And I (like Sheryl probably) end up spending 3 out of 4 Sunday nights watching 12 kids in a bedroom or outside. Mike and Diane used to pay me to watch their kids at their house while they went to group. Should we go there? Can everyone afford that? I think I am now venting also, so I'll stop and go vent on my own Blog! Love ya brother!

Donna G said...

It is only refreshing to me that you have some problems and frustrations (selfishly of course). I want so much to experience the small group, Life Group or whatever you call it experience. I know this sounds trite, but enjoy what you have. Those of us without it, envy it; not because we are bad people, but because we see what it means to you and we want to be better people..

Dwiggy444 said...

Brandon, you've hit another one of my "hot spots"...

The small group I lead has been dealing with the kids "problem" for a long time. When we first started out, we hired a teen from church to watch the kids, and that seemed to work great for a while. However, the babysitter refused to tie our children to the furniture or to beat them senseless, so we were always interrupted at least once or twice each week. :-)

So, after a period of struggle and strife, we kinda scrapped the whole notion of having "focused time" when we meet with our kids and we've just been trying to enjoy one another and make the most of the time we have. This summer, we've met at a park several times and had lots of fun family-oriented meetings where we could play with the kids AND interact with aduls.

I think we all agree that it's just a "season of life" thing and I THINK we'll probably get to spend more time in prayer and Bible study...someday. Hopefully. :-) But we're getting a lot out of our time together right now - we're all forming great friendships and serve as a support group in many ways. So we've got that going for us, which is nice.

My point? Roll with the punches Brandon. You seem to be doing that very well, but I also understand the need to "do the small group thing" and how difficult it can be to shove family life into that box. I'm a perfectionist too, and my wife had to tell me to CHILL OUT about a hundered times before I did. And if I can learn to go with the flow, ANYONE can. :-)

SG said...

I guess just tell Sheryl to give me a call while she is "life grouping" with your kids and chances are I will be "life grouping" with our kids. We can get to know eachother while controling the kiddos and holding a phone on one ear. Maybe we could even start a network of group leaders wives who conference call while watching kids so our husbands can lead group. It could be like blogging but with a phone.... Oh well! No offense but, I thought it sounded better than savor, roll, and deal! :-)

Brandon Scott Thomas said...

Thanks to all for great words and good advice. Savor, roll, and deal aren't bad ideas. It's what we've been doing for some time now. I just ahd a day where the rolling, savoring, and dealing weren't working out so well. In the midst of commenting through my frustration, I made light of an idea that surfaced about doing an intensive worship time. It wasn't my intent to make light of it AT ALL! Re-reading my comments, I can see how it was taken that way. What I was trying to say, quite selfishly, is that I want those times, but feel at a loss to know how to make it happen. Thanks for being patient with me, my blogger buddies!

SG said...

Please don't take that last comment wrong! I appreciate all that everyone has said on this matter. My comment comes from two years of frustratingly trying to figure out a better way to do group and for the most part not getting anywhere...on this issue.
Having said that, God has truly blessed us with our last two groups. Despite the chaois and the kids, I have loved our groups and feel very close to them. Hope my venting did not offend. I guess I should take a breath and let God handle this too...when will I learn?

Brandon Scott Thomas said...

Steph-
I think we all understand each other. Honestly, your comments were strangely soothing. Just knowing we're not the only ones helps. I think sometimes people without kids have a hard time understanding--I cringe at the things I said or suggested before becoming a parent. I also think it's easy to forget what it was like for parents of older kids. We remember the great times..and there are more than not. However, it's good for those of us in "THAT stage of life" (I hear that phrase a lot)to support each other and encourage each other in pressing on. It's ok to have those days. Heck, it's ok to have those seasons. If we don't admit that we're having them we might just end up in a mental home. Actually, I plan on looking into that later today.

Chris Green said...

Hey Brandon,
I've been doing a lot of thinking about this whole Small Group thing since reading The Search to Belong by Joseph Myers so I thought I'd put my thoughts here too. (By the way, great blog!)

I wonder if we haven't put too much pressure on ourselves in the Small Group world to develop "intimacy" in each and every group meeting. I mean think about it...intimacy is something that at a deep level I only share with a very few people at very rare moments. (That's not a comment about my trust issues...I'm working through those.) But we assume that if we can get 8-12 people together for an hour and a half once a week for a time of study and intense worship that we will attain intimacy. Maybe the answer is to find God in the community of relationships (kids included). I love people that love my kids (ages 5 and 2) and it's easy for me to see God working through them when my kids ask "Are we having LifeGroup any time soon?" They want -- need -- to feel the love of that community. Maybe that counts as a worship experience. Maybe we should let it count.

I'm rethinking this whole small group process. I think it needs to be more natural more organic. We do it because someone at Willow Creek decided we should do it, but do we really experience community through that process? Anyway, just thought I'd put my thoughts out there...like you said no need to encourage comments!

Peace to you!