My mom had a good day yesterday in working through this potential move. I am filled with mixed emotions. What I am realizing is that what I really want is for her to be young, healthy, for my father to be living and for things to stay that way. I am facing a difficult reality--that of growing up and watching your parents get older. The thought of her being here with us and with our kids is so incredible, it's just an emotional transition. My family has never lived anywhere except the Abilene area. Now we're all in Tennessee. Strange times. It's hard not to feel some guilt about living 1000 miles away and causing her to uproot. I have to remember that "this world is not my home". But, as soon as I say it, my heart betrays me. "Home" has always been special to me. Sacred places mean a lot in my life. But, what is really convicting me in this process is my selfish nature of being too tied to "things" that make me feel secure. My mom's Godly presence in our lives and our girls' lives will be worth all the money in the world. I just confess that in the perfect world, I'd want to somehow combine Abilene and Nashville so as to keep all the things that are dear to me. One thing is sure--there is more fun ahead than we have imagined. My mom will bring a life and vitality to Nashville and to OC that will be so amazing.
This morning we go to "spec" out the house she will have built. It's really beautiful and is on an amazing lot that backs up to some woods. We are so excited for her. Please continue to pray for her in this transition time and for all those she loves in Abilene who she'll have to say goodbye to after so many years.
More to come later today.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
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6 comments:
I am excited for you and your Mom. She is still young and spunky enough to make lots of great friends in TN and still visit and travel with all the old TX ones.
I know what you are going through in a way BST. My Dad has not been well lately and I am having a hard time seeing him as older..but he is 68! I think he should be 50. My Mom too! My parents left my hometown and now live across the street! Can you imagine how fun it would have been to grow up across the street from you grandparents? My kids are very blessed! As are Rob and I.
I haven't been "home" to Angelo in four years. I do miss it. To me, it is a sacred place. San Angelo is not part of my here and now, but will always be a part of who I am. You will always have ties to Abilene. Mike talks about loss today in his blog sorta. I think that part of what is hard is that Abilene is where all your memories of your Dad were made. Lucky for us, memories are stored in our hearts, not just our hometowns! I think Sam Thomas would love that your Mom is going to be near you in Nashville. He would indeed be proud of both of you!
"Homecoming" will take on a new meaning for you as it has for me. My feeling for San Angelo help me appreciate the feeling that will go with our ultimate "Homecoming" when we see our Father again. Blessings and prayers for you and yours during your wonderul transition!
On a seperate, comical and completely unrelated note... I am selling my sister on my blog. Know of any qualified takers? ;>
Brandon, I know this is a tough topic, but I also know that due to your willingness to turn things over to God, that whatever happens can benefit His kingdom. I have seen my dad (also an only child) struggle so much with my grandmother as she has aged. She lives 650 miles away but would still call him (or occasionally me) regarding minor things all hours of the day and night and often he would get up and drive to Missouri and back in a 48 hour period multiple times in a month. That's a 1300 mile round trip! It was so tough on him that he bought her a house and moved her here. However, she hated it here and was even more difficult that before. Obviously Judy is not like that and I bind the thought that she ever could be, but to have her willingly seeking to be near you might still be a blessing.
While you have not stated this and may therefore not be feeling it, part of your anxiety and hers as well could stem from the concern over the effect her move might have on the autonomy you have created with your family. If this is a concern, it really might be better to address it before it becomes a problem because by then it may too late to avoid hard feelings. Be honest about your expectations of involvement and space and encourage the same from her. You know you already have her blessing and approval so do not worry about how to gain more if she is a constant presence. Continue instead to seek God's approval in the way you are wired and Judy will honor that. Further, support her in her interests and involvement in the community of faith there and I think things will work out fine.
I live in the same town with my 73 year-old dad and aside from the fact that he is certifiably nuts things are okay. We talk every day but I seldom see him more than once a week. Still, we understand that each of us are there for the other whenever needed. Anyway, I'll be praying for the decisions being made and for the situations they create. I hope it all goes well.
(Sorry about the rambling. I commented earlier but it never got there so this one was longer.)
Val-
Thanks for your many years of friendship. You too, Steph. It's so cool to be in touch in these types of ways without having to muddle through the niceties of ACU Homecoming or talk over Chapel announcements! :)
We have addressed most of that. In fact, ahving grown up with my grandmother basically living with us (my father's mother--a notoriously difficult woman), we are perhaps extra sensitive to those things. I know there will be moments, but they will all be small in comparison to what I saw with my own grandmother.
My real fears lie in a concern for her social, spiritual, and every other way to describe her well-being. Leaving the Lorenzes, the Nichols', Kaye Price-Hawkins, Mike, and so many others may be beyond her experience in knowing how hard it will be. I think that's a lot of it. And, of course, my own stuff mixed in there which seems minimal in comparison.
Overall, I am thrilled. Sheryl and i ahve never known what it's like to live around family--except for her cousin, Kim. It will be life altering and will probably end up being one of the best blessings we've known.
Thanks for your words and your friendship. Miss you, brother.
BST-
The fact that your mom is the first of that group to move on does not mean she will be the last. As they get to places in their lives where they are not tied down by jobs or other things they may also relocate. Bearing that in mind, what are the real odds that your mom will end up in the same place those people are anyway? I suspect that no matter where they all live, they will keep in touch and get together on occasion. Further, those friendships are formed and very concrete whereas her relationship with her grandkids is developing. It will be easier for her to maintain those old friendships from a distance than it will be to construct her legacy as a grandma.
That having been said, as a former banker I think your cautionary tone regarding her annuities is well placed. I am sure your financial guy is advising her well in this, though. Prudence is key, I think.
Brandon,
I was shocked to hear that your mom was/has moved.
I really enjoyed the the series she did on journaling. One other note: My husband felt at home with her the first time he met her. She resembles his mom a lot. Give her our best!
Didn't know your mom was moving. Interestingly on my blog Tuesday, I listed some of my favorite blogs and I put your Mom's. I labeled it "Brandon's Mom in Abilene"...guess not for long.
What a blessing it will be to have your Mom close by and for your kids to be around her. I wish my kids were around their grandparents more but I don't want to move ! Selfish me. Love ya brother - stay strong through all this.
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