BST's Blog

One more thing and I'm done...

My reaction to this has been somewhat defensive. I'm human. Though my heart knows that serving Jesus means turning the other cheek, at the core of my being I struggle to do that. What I really want to do is fight. So, there. I confess to you all that my humanity gets in the way of really responding like Jesus might. It is ironic to feel such conviction but be unable to follow through when you find yourself on the chopping block.

The truth is, I don't know who wrote this. I don't know their heart. I can't stand in judgment of them when I have planks hanging out of my eyes with large, orange "oversized load" signs on them.

Some of my posts have had a tone of defensiveness and bitterness. I admit, that's honestly what I am feeling. But, I confess to you tonight that I feel convicted that God isn't pleased with that either.

Thanks for your comments, for feeling my hurt, for coming to my defense, for being my friends. Let's turn the page and move on. Forgive me for not being more willing to extend grace and mercy. I really want to, but my real self gets in the way.

And...PS: tonight's Vesper service was AMAZING. I am hearing God speaking to me about this idea I mentioned earlier today. It's as if everywhere I turn He's whispering, even shouting at me. I haven't heard Him communicate like this to me in a long time...since the beginning of ZOE. I really feel a bubbling, a holy anticipation...who knows what's in store?? It's exciting! Tonight's message at Vespers only added one large shout in the collection of messages I've heard all day long. What a blessing!!