The highs and lows...
It was great to be with my family some yesterday. I really missed them! Then about 5pm last night we got a surprise call from our friend Amanda at CMT who offered us tickets to the CMA awards. We scrambled and got down there in time---it was SO FUN and thanks to Amanda we had great seats too! (we sat behind my friend Ty from the Lion King and the other cast members.) CMA's...what an awesome show! My favorites were the Rascal Flatts and Martina McBride. Wow...I had not heard her song, "Do It Anyway". Powerful message there. And...Carrie Underwood won the New Horizon Award AND Best Female Vocalist of the Year!! So cool to be there for that! Thanks Amanda!!
I came in early this morning to begin my day of meetings. A letter was waiting for me. Normally, anonymous letters get trashed without even a reading. However, I read through this one...and just the fact that I'm even mentioning it here will no doubt give satisfaction to the writer. It never ceases to amaze me how some "church people" can be so small. Small, timid people who want to cast their opinions or objections without having the courage to confront you face to face. These types of people are the ones who I hope will stay far away from the hurting and broken people who are coming to Otter Creek more and more these days. I'd like to share a bit of this letter with you...just in case anyone out there in ministry wonders if anyone else gets crap like this. (this is regarding my announcement a week or so ago that I blogged about confessing my stupidity...)
"Try following your own rules. Your children come late, leave early, or don't come at all. Does your family ever go to Sunday school or support the teachers at all?
Try working children's worship a few times. Maybe during one of your "sabbaticals", but, of course you'd have to actually attend church during that 6 week vacation.
Try coming to functions where you're NOT in the spotlight like baptisms or celebrations or showers you tell us to go to.
Try living out what you preach (your children were picked up early also). Your "talk" means nothing because we see your walk.
A lot of us "little people" in the background behind the scenes make your "show" possible and we don't get paid for our church work, take the vacation days you do, or keep so few office hours. We do our work at church on Sunday and then go to work on Monday to support YOU.
sincerely,
Many families with young children"
I'd love to offer commentary, but I'm pretty sure it speaks for itself. Plus I always love how anonymous writers usually sign things, "sincerely" or "in brotherly love"...nice. And...typically they claim to speak for the "many".
As I stated last week---I was confessional in that announcement saying that our family had also been confused about times and since no one else was going to actually make an announcement I was going to say something. Here's my thing--it's fine for people to think whatever they want to. But, if you have a beef with me, please come talk to me. I don't bite! One well-meaning (that may be generous) person called Doug, our administrator, yesterday all revved up over what I said. A little ways into the conversation Doug said, "Well, I wasn't actually there to hear it." She said, "Yeah, I wasn't either." Gotta love that.
Enough venting from me. But, I wanted to print that in all its glory so that some of you fellow ministers out there would know you're not alone. We all get these.
Now...on to my day of "doing nothing".
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
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39 comments:
I've never gotten a negative "letter" from someone from within the congregation but I've gotten a lot of "someon told me this" or "someone told me you should do this or that" from elders or deacons, but never who said what. Do they think we are gonna go nuts and starting throwing things or something if they confronted us in person? That used to really bother me but now it's in one ear and out the other. Thanks for posting that.
Well, I've never thrown anything at anyone (although i have had something thrown at me...seriously :-)
Im sorry that your week started so crappy (but hey, at least you got to go to the CMA's) But I do appreciate you posting some of it. I must admit that many times I have felt like I'm the only one stuff like that happens to. Do you throw your letters away? I have a habit of keeping them...I'm a gluten for punishment :-)
On the flip-side; I must say that the last few months I've recieved some of the most heart-felt letters and emails. I just LOVE it when you get those and they aren't just "I really like the songs", but folks sharing how our corporate worship has impacted their lives and brought them closer to God's presence. That's what it's all about!
Bless your heart, friend. Let it go. Easier said than done...but it's unnecessary to worry about it if they don't want to come talk with you face to face.
Love you. You gave me a laugh this morning with that venomous post.
"Christians" can be so ugly...
Wow! I am so surprised at how angry people can get over such petty things. I think there is some jealousy in there and not a little envy. That letter is really about something else and they just can't say it to you in writing or in person because it is really about them.
Know that you are loved and appreciated all the time by this sister in Abilene. I love what you do and the spirit in which you do it. Keep singing and thinking and loving and leading.
thanks, guys for what you're saying. I have great support here. The problem with ministry--public ministry--is people make snap judgments. I do it too. It really hurts though when you're the one being judged. What I need to do is own what's constructive, if anything, and move on. What I WANT to do is talk to this person face to face.
I know those kind of letters can be hurtful, but I have to admit that I also felt some hurt on the part of the writer in that letter too. (Maybe it's just my personality to play devil's advocate - sorry!) I know it's hard to give someone the benefit of the doubt, especially when they're choosing to remain annonymous & I'm sure you get tons of this stuff anyway, but maybe this person REALLY feels hurt by this - maybe they're just too embarrased to confront you. I'm not saying that you're like this, and I don't even go to your church, but I wouldn't just dismiss it either. Just my unsolicited 2 cents!
I guess I just feel like i need to add that this DOES sound like someone who feels like they are in a thankless role in the church & underappreciated. Satan is in their head telling them all the things that you read. It WAS an ugly letter, but a REAL person with REAL feelings is behind it - even if they chose a stupid way of getting them out. THESE are the people that WE need to be Jesus to! It's NOT just the hurting that come from OUTSIDE the church, but from those on the INSIDE as well.
You know, at least as well as anyone on this planet, that I have tears in my eyes and am holding my tongue right now.
You really should try getting involved in some things where you're not in the spotlight, though.
I know how brightly that spotlight shines in shelters, hospital rooms, lower income classrooms, kitchens, living rooms and my car where a tired brother was challenged and encouraged this weekend.
I'm not going to say anything else. Are you proud of me?
Gosh Brandon, I barely know you and my adrenaline is pumping. I can imagine how Sheryl and Ms. Judy feel!!!!
As the wife of someone in Ministry it makes me want to go into attack mode when someone is hurting my family, even though I know I can't.
As Dr. Siburt would always say in ministry classes, we know the worst things about the best people.
I pray that God protects your heart, your mind, your spirit and gives you the discernment to know how to make peace within yourself. I pray that cowardly people will confront instead of hide and that truth will be revealed.
I hate that people feel the need to knock others down. I know first hand some of the things you and your family do "behind the scenes". You, Sheryl and the kids have such giving/caring hearts--you have done so much for so many. That person obviously has only seen your 'spotlight moments' which are always a blessing to me and others around you. We all have our stupid moments when we wish we could take something back--you realized it and have moved on. Maybe this person needs to step back and try to realize how hurtful they are being--it doesn't even sound like their heart is in the right place for working with our kids. My family is blessed by yours and I'm blessed to call you my friend.
P.S. I'm so jealous you got to go to the CMA's!!
Wow. Brandon, you know my address to forward all nasty messages you get about this topic.
I do have to say that I really get discouraged by people that are passive aggressive. So many conflicts could be reconciled if we would just talk to each other.
Now I'm going to go workout on my quick trigger finger to keep that from happening again.
By the way...that person also doesn't know about the different places you visited on your "vacation from ministry" do they? Or how you do so many things in the community to help unite other churches/ministries!! I could go on, but I'll stop.
My take on it? This individual felt that what you said was a personal attack -- I wasn't there, but I imagine it was more of just an informational request or recommendation. This is probably a person who senses that everything that goes on around him/her is personal. I know because at times I've been that person, which you know all too well. Can't you just see me sitting there crying? :-)
My suggestion, if you're reading, anonymous ... sure, talk to Brandon. You obviously don't truly know him. But a counselor might help, too. There are deeper issues here, and I suspect Brandon is not the only person you have ill feelings toward or sense personal attacks from.
Life can be happier than that. Brandon was just doing his job. And in a church of that size, no one can attend every single extracurricular event such as the ones you mentioned without unfairly sacrificing time with family. But I do know Brandon's wife has attended a whole lot more showers than I ever did, even helped organize and throw several of them. AndI know that Brandon has gone out of his way to attend non-church events of non-church members trying to reach out to people that he's in a unique position to encourage toward the Lord.
He's a minister ... he's not trying to be the star of a show. He has plenty of opportunities available to do just that, but he chooses to remain at Otter Creek to serve YOU because he loves you and God and is trying to follow his calling. You're making unfair assumptions.
And I'm serious about that counseling. If you're someone I know, email me if you'd like, clarissa cox at hotmail dot com. I know some people.
Sorry for the novel -- it just struck a chord.
Thanks Clarissa, for putting into word what I was trying to get at. The point is that Brandon is doing a GREAT job, but someone out there, known as Anonymous, is hurting & needs help. We've ALL been there!
Don't havetime to rread all the other comments but I would like to see the spotlight that could keep up with you! You amaze me with all you do BST!
Hope this person gets the nerve up to come talk to you because it sounds like there are deeper issues here. Maybe depression, money struggles, or a spiritual struggle?
Who ever you are unknown... We have all had misdirected anger at one time or another... I just hate that yours had to target my friend. I hope you are able to talk to someone who can help you with all this rage. I'm saying a prayer for you!
I am so sorry to hear about the "letter" you received. I always love it when someone has the courage to send an anonymous letter. Please do not be discouraged and don't let the enemy bring you down.
Matt McBryde
Youth Minister - Lake Cities
Amazing, isn't it? And these things are almost always anonymous. I continue to be amazed at how many people approach my wife with crap like this and how I can count on one hand the number of people who have come directly to me with some concern in almost 10 years of professional ministry. You are a good man, my friend. God is using you in powerful ways.
Adam Ellis
I posted this on my blog, but I'll post it here too.
The thing that saddens me the most about it is the blatant disregard of Scripture in the name of making a personal attack with no intention of the reconciliation that should be evident in the life of disciple. Matthew 18:15-20 clearly states:
Dealing With Sin in the Church
15 "If a brother or sister sins, go and point out the fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
18 "Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
I'm not sure how much simpler than that it is and sending an anonymous letter to someone is a sign of someone either ignorant of it or completely disregarding it. Jesus isn't calling here for some legalistic reaction to a brother or sisters' sin. It's the ministry of reconciliation that we are called to that it doesn't seem that the anonymous sender of the letter has no interest in.
And it breaks my heart for them and for you, BST, that you would get such a letter.
Wow. I'm sorry that this happened. I'm sorry that it appears you were an easy target for someone. I grew up a preacher's kid and I understand the constant scrutiny. I'm not sure why it is so easy to be judgemental of people in ministry positions. For some reason, people think they know what is going on in your life because they "see" you all the time. But, they don't know you and this "Annonymous" certainly doesn't know you, Brandon. My dad has a saying: "If you don't communicate, you speculate." My prayer is that as Christ's body, we can better communicate to function as God intended us to. We have to be REAL with each other. We can't harbor resentment and still be full of the Spirit.
I am sad for Annonymous. I can relate to being judgemental. We've all been there. But, to handle it this way...just makes me sad.
They didn't write that on my (family of young children) behalf!!! Sure, we were a bit confused by the announcement, still working in the old building ways, but now that I know about the "official" pick-up times, I feel a lot better - 'cause I was always leaving early! Now, I know I can wait until the very end to get and go. Ironically enough, this past Sunday I kept eyeing the clock out of habit and then kept reminding myself I had until 11:15 and then had to remind myself that it was Birthday Sunday and I didn't have to go and pick up my son that particular day!
So Brandon, I'm very sorry that you had to get that letter. It's awful and I agree with Phil, completely unscriptural. And I agree with Clarissa and other commenters, there is more to that letter than meets the eye.
Peace to you, I hope your week gets better!
I don't go to Otter Creek, and I don't know any of the players directly.
But you (Brandon) did mention a concern for the "hurting and broken people" coming to Otter Creek.
It sounds as though the author(s) of this letter may be just as hurting as anybody else--even though they apparently aren't new to the church.
It's easy to forget that regular attenders and members may have issues of pain that strike them as deeply as any seekers.
I understand that you feel hurt by this letter, as though you're being attacked by the rear guard. It does seem obvious to me, although I am an outsider Christian at another church, that these people have real issues that do deserve some consideration. Yes, Phil is absolutely correct--they should have come to you directly as in Matthew. I would suggest that you address your congregants directly and encourage the author(s) of this letter to come forward for an open discussion.
Brandon, I'm truly sorry for writing that letter.
Sincerely, Joel G. Quile
Yeah right! Okay let's break this down:
"Try following your own rules."
I personally think it is cool that Otter Creek lets Brandon make the rules and call them "Brandon Rules!"
"Your children come late, leave early, or don't come at all. Does your family ever go to Sunday school or support the teachers at all?"
Let me get this straight? This "older brother" (see Luke 15) knows the frequency of your children’s church attendance but is in the dark with regards to Sunday School? Talk about a crappy legalist! Brothers got to enlist some friends (you know the ones that his father never killed the fattened calf for?) to help him spy on your kids! Dude better step it up! If you're gonna judge - bring your A-game baby! Or he could always get that freaking telephone pole plank out of his ocular cavity.
"Try working children's worship a few times."
Okay, his point here is basically dead on if you read 1 Cor 12:27 INcorrectly. 'Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.' So, if you have biblical ignorance then his point makes perfect sense. Worship leading = less important, easy, not a part of the body. Leading children = real important, hard, the true part of the body!
"Maybe during one of your "sabbaticals", but, of course you'd have to actually attend church during that 6 week vacation."
Make up your mind pal! Is it a Sabbatical or Vacation! Pick one! Again, I think his point is valid Brandon. You should not take Sab-cations anymore. Get burnt out and leave a church every 18 months like the majority of ministers. Then after 3 or 4 years, leave ministry altogether. This will be real productive for the church as they will get to interview new people and become untrusting and not build relationship with its leaders. Besides, Rest...Sabbath? Really Brandon, do you see any of that crap in the Bible? Come on now.
“Try coming to functions where you're NOT in the spotlight like baptisms or celebrations or showers you tell us to go to.”
This whole spotlight thing really hits home with me. My butt is constantly taking shots at my face because apparently my face gets more spotlight than my butt. My face tells my butt that it is important and reminds them that we need him to help us (my body) to make it through the real glamorous tasks of ministry (the ones Stephen Bailey mentioned, elders meetings, getting emails from agents of Satan, etc) should we have to sit down but my butt doesn’t take comfort in that so it starts speaking up. This is a classic example of a butt speaking up!
Quick question Brandon, why do you hate baptisms?
“Try living out what you preach (your children were picked up early also). Your "talk" means nothing because we see your walk.”
I don’t know if you knew it or not, but I heard your friend, “Many families with young children” (kind of a long and sad name – his parents must not like him much) on iTunes and his sermon didn’t mean anything to me. It was called, “Stop Gossiping and Start Encouraging.” However, his other sermon, “Cowardice and Condemnation” was so meaningful!
“A lot of us "little people" in the background behind the scenes make your "show" possible.”
Brandon, I’ve been to Otter Creek and I don’t recall seeing one dwarf/midget let alone ‘many’ When did your church start a ‘little people ministry’?
Now that makes sense…it is all becoming so clear…that is why when Tim is done preaching he says, ‘and now on with the show’ prior to your singing! I just now put that together. And the tickets you sell for worship services and the popcorn and why Ebert and Roeper attend OC … it is because of your show! Hey, when you get your first Oscar, make sure and thank all those ‘little people’ who toil behind the scenes. Because after all, they do it for you Brandon (Matthew 6:1) and because ‘Show people’ like you are always forgetting them in their awards speeches.
“and we don't get paid for our church work, take the vacation days you do, or keep so few office hours.”
Brandon, don’t hold this against your little many family man. Obviously, he thinks you operate like he does and that your ministry is done for reward (money or spotlight). Hopefully you can find out who he is (I hope he is big enough to see) and then us moochy ministers can all quit and get ‘real jobs’ and pay him back for working for the church.
One thing I would suggest is that you stop turning in your vacation hours to this guy. He ain’t a big fan of the 10th commandment. Same goes for office hours. Does that dude have a GPS on you or something or is just such a good older (yet little) brother that he knows not only the comings and goings of your kids, but you as well! Amazing.
“We do our work at church on Sunday and then go to work on Monday to support YOU.”
I totally agree with him here. I’ve felt the angst of tithing only to find out that 100% of my hard earned (working in the fields – not blowing it on prostitutes and fancy clothes for my Sunday performance) money goes to support STEPHEN BAILEY. Too bad you didn’t tiny guys’ gift of legalism and could know what he gives! That would be cool.
“sincerely,
Many families with young children"
Here is the good news in all of this Brandon.
1. He is sincere. He must care a lot about you. Just not enough to leave his name.
2. It is not only him who feels this way so you know that what he said must be true. Apparently he is the spokesman for “many families”
3. This guy has young children which means that this beautiful spirit of condemnation and hate AND the great gift of confrontation skills will be passed on to his kids so they can bless other ministers.
4. Someday this will all be over and we will all be in heaven together (well, only the butts) and we will be doing children’s worship for no less days!
5. You won’t have to worry about taking communion because you will know that someone has something against you but you will never know who because they are too cowardly to come talk to you! You’ll lose weight and look better for your show! Yeah!
Now Miss Judy has something to say:
Someone said, "Little people with little minds need little attention."
IF this Anonymous person wants to make an appointment with you, tell him/her to make it at 6:30 on Sunday morning when you get there to prepare for the service, or at 9:30 Wednesday night after you leave your meeting. Or to meet you downtown at the home of the lady with the four kid you and Sheryl have been helping. Or after the seven meetings you have on Tuesday to better the church program.
Or better yet, tell them to meet me anywhere, anytime, and weapons.
that's with any weapon.
I am praying for this person. Throw the letter away.
Yikes, man!
Of course, ministers and minister's wives (elders, ministry leaders, blah, blah) are like a fish in a fishbowl.. There are rowdy, bratty kids out there yanking the tank, spilling water out in hope we suffocate, poke-fun against the glass to scare us and they hope to use the net to throw us in the "toilet" and flush us away!
If you're feeling like Nemo these days, Marlin is always near!
As a newcomer to OC during the past year, I can't even begin to think of words that would be appropriate as a response to the portions of the letter you posted.
OC has been the BIGGEST blessing to my family-- and Brandon, you are a HUGE part of it.
I am thankful that I DO know you, your amazing wife, and beautiful children-- and that I am blessed to call you friend. I know that your ego is not bruised by those remarks because you are keenly aware that it is not about you anyway. BUT-- on behalf of "many other families at OC with small children", please know that "Anony-MOUSE" was NOT speaking for the rest of us.
I wish that he/she knew how loving and approachable you would have been if he/she had taken the time to come to you in person. Addressing (and attacking) you and your family in that manner was so cowardly.
Our Bible study today was all about JOY-- so, just about the time you were opening that letter this morning, we were right outside of your office singing, "Cheer up, my brother, Live in the sunshine! We'll understand it all by and by!" :)
LOVE YOU!
thanks again, friends. And to Beaner...agreed, this person is hurting. However, it seems to me, in my experience, that broken and hurting people who are truly in touch with their brokenness and hurt don't usually of send stuff like that. Typically, it's those who more fit the Pharisee profile. It's possible that this is a way of reaching out for this person. But--call me cynical if you will, but I doubt that's the case.
good grief!!! Clean sweep baby! Clean sweep! Get rid of everyone who is doing childrens worship right now( I know...I know..not everyone doing the children's worship is allowing the devil to control them..but rememeber when one kid acted up we all lost recess?? It worked! We made sure that kid quit acting up!)and then do a spiritual gift/attitude analysis I mean MAN! you owe it those little kiddos! They don't need those "many families with young children" teaching this kind of bitterness!
How's that saying go??? Oh, yeah ..with friends like that who needs enemies??? That truly is sooo sad and breaks my heart for that woman/man. I will be praying for them. :(
I love you guys and know that you know without a shadow of doubt that the Lord is bigger than any character assasination. I believe in you and believe firmly the Lord has chosen you to lead HIS WORSHIP there at Otter Creek!
Praise HIS name that it is HE that stands before..beside and behind,you. And that the arrows that are shot pierce HIM before they even reach you!
Your family is a priceless treasure not only to HIS Kingdom and Otter Creek, but to all of us as well!
My love and friendship, Kim Quile
Oooh, people fire me up! We love you, your beautiful wife, and your sweet kiddos... and I represent many families with small children :)
By the way, I was there for your comments and I can't for the life of me figure out how they could be construed as offensive... If I recall, you were simply relaying some information :)
I want to share a few things...
First of all, our children's worship is absolutely fantastic. The people who work in it are great people. I don't think this came from any of them.
Second of all, our kids love to go...and are there most every Sunday when we're in town unless they're sick. Sometimes they come in and sit with us if they've had a fever...and aren't the children's worship people glad? :)
Third of all, Melanie and Janet and I are in full cooperation and agreement. (They are our children's ministers) They were disgusted by what they read. Don't let anyone think that there's a rift between staff on any of this stuff...in fact, we as a staff have never been closer.
And, lastly, this person...I wish you would come to me.
brandon, there isn't much i can say that hasn't already been said. however, i do want to echo the thoughts of others, and let you know that you are loved dearly at our church. the way you and your sweet wife use the gifts God has given you to lead our hearts in worship has blessed me and my family beyond measure. hang in there, and know that this family with young children is here for you and yours!
Brandon - agreed, this person sounds more like a Pharisee, who Jesus ripped into, but He was Jesus & we are not. If we are to show Jesus' love to the world, then what do a bunch of comments ripping this person apart do for us other than to put us in the same category that Anon. is in. I'm all for showing support to YOU, but I still don't think we need all the anon-bashing here. Geez - if we all learned a lesson from the Amish this past year, then let's apply it when someone attack us, if only with words! And I hope all who commented ripping on this person will also spend some time in prayer for him/her.
It's interesting that someone would advise you to do something out of the spotlight -- if it's out of the spotlight, how would anyone know? Isn't that the point? I don't know you personally, but I know most "in the spotlight" people _need_ to do those "out of the spotlight" things to stay grounded -- and need to keep them private.
Hey Brandon,
To you, and to those who also posted, let me say this. I'm sure this person is hurting for a lot of reasons. However, the fact that they sent an anonymous attack means that they are in sin. Their feelings do not justify their sin.
Born in sin, this letter serves only to exault evil and damage God's Kingdom. Why? Because there is no possibility for reconciliation unless the writer comes forward. And, even then, the person should come forward to repent, not to continue to bashing. Even if everything it says about Brandon is true, it is not done in the way of Christ, but in the way of Satan.
Well, Brandon...truly sad on every level.
But, as you well know, ministering to broken people is not easy. Just ask Christ. Ask him everyday, brother.
Peace to you my friend.
Tony
p.s. I am a parent of a young child at OC and my wife has had your children in classes many times. The person writing the letter did not ask our opinion nor our permission to speak for us. So the signature to the letter was a lie.
There was something in the Old Testament about bearing false witness. I know this becase I saw it on this 10 step program at the courthouse once. I went back to check it out yesterday, but the 10 step program had been removed.
Tony
You know, there's a special file in most church offices for unsigned letters. A good elder can help you find it. It's usually near a shredder, and it gives the letters all the attention they deserve.
Who in their right mind would do full-time ministry???
I read a book recently that William Manchester wrote about the Middle Ages. One quote from it: "It was amazing that Christianity survived Christians." There truly is nothing new under the sun. Hang in there, buddy, you are loved.
Julie W.
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