BST's Blog

Wow. Where to begin? When I started this here blog thingy, I committed to myself to being honest. It’s amazing how many times I find myself so tempted to portray things as rainbows and lollipops (as my friend Daren would say). Life is truly about seasons.

I fear, as I suspect many other ministers fear, that I will be judged for my very real and human journey. I have always been an overachiever. I didn’t want someone to tell me it was “good”, I wanted them to say it was the “best EVER”. I realize that at some very real level, that is what is called pride. I have found myself many times bowing at the feet of “excellence”, meaning that I would spare no expense in giving time, energy, family, mental and physical health—you name it—to the quest for excellence. Don’t get me wrong—I am not saying that the quest for excellence is a bad thing. In fact, I think in many ways it has served me well and been God honoring. I just find myself in a season where I have said yes to way too many things and have sacrificed my well being to the thought of excellence. It’s to the extent at this point in my life that it’s virtually impossible to be excellent in as many things as I have agreed to do. So, slowly, I begin to lose my grip on that realization of excellence in all things. At some point, a wise, mature man must make decisions. He must set boundaries. Here’s where I find myself today. It is exactly a week and a half before Easter weekend. I have 5 billion things to plan for that weekend. We have our Saturday night service to plan for this weekend. My taxes are due (collective groan). AND—this ZOE record just refuses to be completed. I am facing all of this while neither feeling wise nor mature enough to make the decisions that are being demanded.

My temptation here is to swing back to the other side and talk about my friends who are experiencing failure in their marriages or another friend whose mother was robbed and murdered last weekend. Life does offer perspective in ways we never expect. However, to be “real”, I must tell you that today I find myself so overcome with the maintenance of the life I have embraced that perspective even seems elusive. In case you’re wondering if I am on the edge of the cliff—I am not. I have a wife who listens, I have brothers who stand with me, and I have a faith that transcends these seasons. I hear from so many ministers who find themselves in times like this. We, as a church, aren’t sure how to handle our leaders when the people we look to for encouragement are in a place of needing it themselves.

I don’t know what the end of this story is for me. It’s possible that the next time you drive through at Taco Bell you’ll hear a familiar voice saying “whatcha want?” But, what seems more likely is that God will be faithful to bring me through this season of difficulty and give me tools for ministry as I walk ahead in faith.
One real and tangible thing that I did today was to email an older gentleman—someone I consider truly Spirit-filled. I asked him if I could spend some time with him talking through some of my current situations and seek his wise counsel. Why should I think that I am the first person to ever feel this way? Hopefully, the Lord will allow that to happen and teach me through the victories and defeats that Don has experienced.

If you are reading this today and find yourself relating to what I am saying, let’s just pray for the Lord to break through our human definitions of ministry and possibly bring new wineskins to those areas of our lives. If you are reading this today and feel like you can’t relate to what I have written here, then I would ask your prayers for wisdom as God walks me through this valley. My prayer is that what happens through this time will enable me to be an even more effective minister. But, I need to be willing to allow death to come to certain areas or activities before I can experience the new wineskins I pray that God has for me. May God’s name be praised both now and forever more!