David Rubio PREACHED this morning. He was awesome! I love that guy. We began taking an hour on Fridays a few weeks ago to spend together. Last Friday we just went into the sanctuary and laid on pews--pretending we were at some nice comfy retreat center--and talked. It was awesome. There's nothing like time with friends. David and I have walked through a lot together. It means a lot to me to work side by side each day. (David is our youth minister)
This morning he talked about a couple of stories from Mark...one being the woman who touched the cloak of Jesus. At the end, David pointed out that there were some here today who, like that woman, came to steal a healing touch. He asked if there were doubts in our hearts that Jesus really could touch or heal. I should have responded publicly. It was convicting.
I find myself in a weird place. I want to pray for Sheryl's father--pray for real healing. I want to believe that God will do it. But, it's not that easy. I've had a mixed family experience...both parents had serious degrees of cancer. One was healed and one wasn't.
As we prayed at the end I confessed to the Lord that I feel like I walk with a limp. I have a thorn in my side--well, let's be honest, THORNS. It's God's random healings that don't make much sense to me. (insert scriptures here from Isaiah..."Who are YOU to question my power? Did you form the worlds?)
The thing that does make sense to me is that God can be praised whatever the case. and that His character is true no matter what our circumstance. Some days it's more of an intellectual agreement of that...and on some better days, my whole being believes it. That may sound like heresy to some, but I think it's pretty true to the questions many people asked in the Bible. I believe in God's power. I believe it's greater than we could ever know. I just struggle sometimes being able to wrap my mind around such a thing. I know I'll never be able to. Life with Him is an exercise in trust.
He wants our hearts...the good, the bad, the ugly. I'm glad He's big enough to hear the questions in my heart...even when they are so human.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
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7 comments:
Thanks for your transparency. Your post reminded me of a song by Nichole Nordeman that I love called 'Live' Here's the first couple verses & chorus:
"Did you come that we might just survive?
Did you come so we could just get by?
Did you walk among us
so we might merely limp along beside?
I was bound, I have been set free
But I have settled for apathy
Did you come to make new
And know I'd crawl right back into the skin you found me in?
It's where I am- not where I've been
You make me want to live
You make me want to live
You came to shake us
And to wake us up to something more
Than we'd always settled for
And you make me want to live"
I made up with God... I didn't want that other comment to be there. :)
I think you just said, "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!" (mark 9:24)
Amy Jill Levine (Professor of New Testament Studies at Vanderbilt University Divinity School) pointed out something this week I had never noticed before-- reminds me of your "on better days" comment.
Matthew 28:17:
When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted.
The disciples have been through it ALL with Jesus-- his ministry, his crucifixion, his resurrection... And, now He is standing right in front of them, having overcome death itself-- yet, in some part of their hearts, some wrestled with doubt even in that clarifying moment.
That helps me cope with my days that aren't what I'd deem "better"!
All 11 of them went on to do mighty things in His name-- despite the doubts! :)
Both of my parents also had bouts with cancer.... They are each doing well at this point. Healing is such a hard concept. In that account in Mark, when Jesus says, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering," my footnote said that the word "healed" can also be interpreted as "saved." Perhaps that is how it is here for all of us-- maybe there are those who are physically healed at times, but maybe there are those that are only truly healed in the next life with the Lord....
Blessings on Sheryl, her father, and the whole family!
When can we pretend we're at a comfy retreat center?! Oh wait-- we were just in Malibu two weeks ago-- and Orlando in two more from now??!! :)
I'm so glad I get to be with you this summer. I've already grown to love you and the family here at OC and your family. I can't wait for the rest of the summer. Praying for you as always.
-KY
Your statement lines up so well with some of my thoughts. I will be speaking at Palmetto Bible Camp in a couple weeks on prayer. I'm planning to tell the campers that I do not understand how prayer "works" simply b/c it is true. I will confess to them that sometimes I wonder IF it works - again, like you said, "random healings." But I believe the purpose of prayer is not to align God's workings with my wishes, but the other way around.
It is called "faith" for a reason.
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