BST's Blog

I remember my 10th grade year---my friend and I sat in Algebra 2 and talked the entire time. How I ever--EVER passed that class I will never know. I think I even made a B. Now that is nothing short of miraculous.

You remember High School. Every day has its own drama. Many of the conversations were either about relationships, who likes whom, who's done what, what that season's team is up to, etc. I remember realizing that I secretly enjoyed knowing what was happening with other people and talking about it. I remember realizing that there were certain people who ALWAYS seemed to know the "scoop". And I liked them A LOT. I liked hearing and knowing the details about people.

That was High School. I remember being the recipient of people's "interest" a little later in life. I remember how it felt. I remember hearing from others how details and impressions were passed around about something that was extremely painful to me.

Then I married Sheryl. One of Sheryl's pet peeves is gossip. I remember thinking that her reaction to it was, at times, a bit extreme. I remember thinking--what's the big deal? I mean it's one thing to have a conviction and quite another to enforce it on someone else. (I can't even believe I felt that way about this stuff, but secretly, I did.)

Sheryl has impacted me for the good in more ways than I can count. But--one of the most obvious ways is by watching her deep, heart-felt, sincere love for people. There's nothing fake there. When she loves you, she LOVES you! I've watched her grieve over the hurts of others and walk through difficulty with friends--all without breathing a word about it to anyone else. She has helped to instill this deep conviction in me that not only should I not SAY anything about someone that would hurt them--but neither should I listen to someone say it to me. Now, in ministry this gets dicey. We've all heard the phrase--"Here's something we need to be 'praying' about". Uh-huh. Well, sometimes we just have to listen and carefully counsel and ask questions and love through the messes. We've all got 'em. Messes.

However, there are other times when we just need to call a spade a spade and stop people in their tracks. I've watched Sheryl finesse this. It doesn't have to be rude. But it's quite easy to say something like "You know, we probably shouldn't be talking about this" and re-direct the conversation.

There are situations in our churches that just all out suck. We can admit that, can't we? There are people who fall, people who leave, people who get divorced and people who think differently than we. But, I am convinced that these situations are NOT helped by gossip...even in the name of prayer. If you feel a concern for someone, tell them. If you have a worry, go to them. If a brother or sister offends you, go to them. Go to them. Go to THEM. Then, if there's something that can't be worked out there are wise people who can help.

The point in all this is this--we're all a mess. We've all got stuff. Sometimes it's easier to concentrate on someone else's than our own. That's not to say there shouldn't be accountability--because in my book, friendship is NOT telling your friend everything they want to hear. It's being able to say the hard things. But it's also saying the hard things to THAT person and not a group of other people. In doing so, we harm the cause of Christ and we can irreparably damage someone who might be feeling pretty vulnerable and lost.

Just needed to vent about that today--and to remind myself to practice what I preach!