I love these pictures taken this morning. They really show so much about these girls! Ella is my little Bohemian. What a cutie!
Maddie is so girly! She loves to dress up in her princess dresses and talk about what it will be like to get married one day and wear a white princess dress.
Last night Sheryl made an incredible dinner and then the girls and I just played for over an hour. It was just what I needed after a really long day. Tuesdays are always hard because of meetings, but yesterday seemed incredibly draining emotionally, although also really good!
I had a conversation with some friends yesterday about modesty and culture and our kids. Sometimes I want to go dig a hole and stick my head in it. I remember feeling that way before we had kids. I remember thinking, do I really want to bring children into this world? Into this culture? Can I protect them and teach them enough to help them make wise decisions? What a responsibility. How are some of you dealing with modesty and purity with your pre-teen children? I know how important that is. While our kids are not pre-teen, THANK THE LORD, I feel like it starts now...teaching them to respect each other and talking about what's appropriate, etc. Anyway, I'd love to hear from you on that.
Tonight John Mark Hicks is speaking. It will be a great TGI Wednesday. I am also still working on the Houston stuff and trying to pack to move tomorrow.
By the way--no news yet on Sheryl's test yesterday. Thanks for your continued prayers.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
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14 comments:
BST,
My daughter Hayden is starting to do some of those girly things. My wife bought here this little book called "When I Wear My Tiara" and it comes with a little tiara that velcros oaround her head. She puts it on and parades around the house pointing at her head and saying "Wook Daddy, pitty t-era" It is so wonderful, I am so blessed. Susan and I also just had this conversation about "What are we going to do with Hayden?" Fortunately she is only 20 months old but it is still really scary. We have read alot about what people suggest and so on, but it's so hard when it is right there in front of you and working with teens I see the results all the time. Our answer has been "Lord, you are in control. And please just allow us to do the best we can and give Hayden the best possible example of what loving each other, people in our world and being like Jesus looks like." That's been our prayer and we continue to say it for many many years. God bless you brother!
You know this already. In fact, you know what to do before you really realize it. Parenting is an on-the-job-training thing. (unfortunately)
It's what you model. It's who you are. It's what you watch. It's what you value. It's already in your DNA, as well as theirs. So, just be confident you know what you're doing and take every little opportunity God places before you to have active conversation with the girls. (and Sam when he's ready)
Brandon, we are dealing with this right now with Gracie, our 5 year old. The girl CANNNOT wear a short skirt modestly. I don't know that she's developmentally capable of it! LOL
Seriously, when we were shopping for school clothes (Kindergarten) there were many cute sundresses & skirts (and of course, I'm not even talking about tacky little skirts) that I didn't buy if it didn't have shorts attached underneath because she doesn't sit correctly. I keep telling her that she needs to sit like a lady. Of course, they sit on the carpet "criss cross applesauce" so in a short skirt that would be inappropriate. That sort of sitting isn't exactly ladylike anyway, but I know they'll be sitting that way, so I, as her parent, need to dress her appropriately for Kindergarten activities. In the right clothes, it could be an appropriate way to sit.
Shopping for her is becoming harder & harder. I find myself talking loudly to myself or to her with the hopes that the sales lady will hear and pay attention to what I'm saying. At Dillards or Target or many places, they have outfits for her age that would literally make her look like Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson! Not for my little girl, thank you!
Modeling appropriate behavior & clothing for our girls and talking about it openly and definitely praying about it are so important. I have gone so far as to point out girls to Gracie and talk about why that's not what sweet girls should wear and that doesn't make God happy. She is the type of child who will listen to that type of logic. Katie, on the other hand (17 months) may not be. She is much more headstrong even at this age, and we may have to take a different tactic with her.
As far as purity, my friends and I are a little ahead of the game with this one. Meaning that we've already started thinking of an idea for when our girls get older. Along with planning to have a very open dialogue with them, we have found a bracelet that we plan to give them. We're thinking of giving the bracelet to them when they make the decision to be baptized or maybe just at a certain age. Anyway, it's a special bracelet called a "Trust Bracelet." You can design it the way you want as far as using pearls or colors etc. It has a telephone charm on it and a medallion that says, "trust." There's a little poem that goes with it.
"I have faith that you will make sound decisions when you are on your own.
I hope that I have given you enough wisdom to know the difference between
saving face and saving your life.
I trust that you will call me whenever you need to.
Promise."
http://www.ekdesignsjewelry.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=M-0007&Category_Code=M
Sorry for the long post, but I have definite things to say about it! I can't wait to see what other ideas people have.
One of the things I've always been conscious of with my daughter is that how I dress her when she is small is how she will feel comfortable dressing when she's big. There are a lot of outfits that look very cute on little girls: bare backs and uncovered bellies and short skirts... but do you really want your teenager dressing that way? We are training them how to dress like ladies when they are small. My daughter is 10 now, so I still have some time to see how this will all turn out, but right now she is *very* conscious of wearing clothes that show too much leg, or that come up to show her belly. Sometimes we make inside jokes as we pass teenagers in the mall "look, she forgot part of her shirt!" She thinks it's funny right now.
I think most women, even Christian adult women, are pretty clueless about the way their dress affects the men around them.
Thanks so much for your Blog; it's so great to see other Christians being "real".
Looking forward to Zoe!
BST,
I've been reading your blog for awhile now but this is my first comment. My husband made up this little poem for my 7 year old daughter and it goes:
"Pants up, Shirt down
Not the other way around"
Maybe we are starting too early but we figure if we teach her now that certain clothes are not acceptable or modest then maybe the teen years will be a bit easier. My prayers are with Sheryl, hope you get good news with the test results
Can I just say how happy I am to see all of these parents thinking about these things right NOW when our children are young! I could say quite a lot about some of what I see in what teens and pre-teens are wearing (including at church which is really painful) but I think we all agree on that one so I'll save the soapbox for my blog, sometime.
Just yesterday morning Julia put a shirt on that is too small. Granted it's one of her favorites and she's upset she can't wear it anymore but I just looked at her and said, "It shows your belly, that's not modest." And I can sympathize with Jacinda's short skirt plight. My daughter can't modestly sit in one either! The other day she was at a neighbor's house (they are Kurdish so this was also a case of some culture clash) and she came home in tears because the mom had gotten onto her about showing her panties. She was just sitting (probably criss crossed) and her underwear could be seen. She was so upset because she wasn't trying to show them, it just happened.
Oh what fun lies ahead.
One thing I do appreciate are the little skirts that have shorts beneath them.
I don't like thinking about this for a 4 year old, but you all are right. It's about setting a precedent now, as well guarding what they watch on TV since so many of the females on shows and commercials are wearing things that are just inappropriate, even the dolls like those stupid Bratz which my daughter will never have.
John Mark Hicks is speaking at TGI Wednesday tonight? Always the last to know. Always.
don't even go there with me Stephen Alan Bailey. You are in TROUBLE! ;) You know why.
I will throw in my 2 cents worth...not sure that this will help anyone in their choices for their children but here it goes...
I know that part of it is helping your children make the right choices about clothing but it is really about their hearts. If their hearts aren't in the right places then I don't really care what they are wearing. I think it is important to work from the inside out. I am the mother of four and I know that this is not the easy way. Do they know Jesus in a upclose and personal way? Do they think for themselves? Are they asking questions? Are they involved in life...in lots of areas...church, school, friends, sports, music, literature? These are the important things to ask...not if their shirts are too short. It has to flow from the inside out.
Sorry, you put me up on my soapbox with this one.
Julie
I'm probably the oldest one on here to answer. So.....I have two grown daughters and we are starting a parenting class at church in September. Not overly qualified but we have been at this parenting thing a long time. This is great stuff here. Thanks for the fodder!
For us, we started very early, and I mean real early for teaching modesty and heart choices. We talked openly with our girls concerning all life choices. I read something one time, can't remember now the author, but give your child more than you think he/she can handle. (This was mainly talking about sex, but I think it would apply for most topics) and they will store away what they don't/can't handle at the time. By giving them more than what they are asking for or what you think they can handle right now, they will be open to coming again for their questions. We stuck to this and it worked with our girls.
Also, as they began the teen years, we talked a lot and were available. They were active in their youth group and made sure we were active with the youth group, as support.
When they turned 16, and this was just the age we chose, we gave them a gold key to wear. We talked about what it symbolized. It was the key to their heart, their purity and their "being" as a woman.
When our oldest daughter married, it was part of the ceremony for her dad and I to give them a blessing and her dad took the key from around her neck and gave it to her husband. It was a special moment in time for her and her dad. The other daughter is not married yet. We have laughed because right after we gave her her key, she lost it! I think we went through three keys, but she got the point anyway. Will we do a similar moment in her wedding? Not sure, we haven't gotten there yet.
One other very important thing we did with our girls I would like to share is the way we handled the sex issues. We talked openly about why not having sex before marriage (and this included oral sex, because for some reason this was decided by kids it was not an issue of "having sex") was God's plan. It was a purity issue. Keeping our hearts pure and that included many things, not just sex. We always ended those conversations with a statement like this. "You can do all sorts of things and we might never know about them. God knows and he is the ultimate one you have to answer to."
This seemed to give them more than just their parents as the conscience maker here. I think it helped a lot.
I ask God's blessings on all young families today. You have issues and obstacles we did not have to worry about. But I also believe that this is true with each generation. I would advise to keep the lines of communication open and to do that starts when they are in the womb!
BTW, when are the new CD's being shipped out? I am anxiously waiting for mine!
Peggy
When I said "fodder", I was using the term with the definition of "raw material as for artistic creation."
I thought later some might think I was calling these comments a bad thing. Not so! I mainly meant that it was "food for thought". Am I really telling my age now?
Sorry if I offended anyone.
Peggy
God Bless!
If you get a chance could you please say a prayer for a little girl named "Rebekah" who has cancer. God knows who you will be praying about! Thank you so much!
Trying to rally some good Christian Prayer for her and her family!
give me a good word @ bammell...
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